clandestinity | IC SPAM.

hey. you busy?

i can make myself available for the right person. why, what's up?

i had a bad day. you want to get that drink?

i can make time for you. but tell me what's wrong.

it's hard to explain. i guess i'm struggling with self-control. [...] how long were you under the veil?

[...] 7 years. i try not to think about it too much, but it was almost the entirety of my 20s.

that's a lot of time to lose. i was only under a year and i still feel like i had something taken from me.

[...] i was going to ask you if you recognized yourself in the person you were when you were veiled, but really i guess i just wanted to say that i don't. i have no idea who that was.

what were you like? or what was he like, if that makes it easier.

i he i was a lot more level-headed, for one. i didn't feel the need to show off as much. i was a park ranger at yellowstone. i spent a lot of time alone.

[...] what were you like?

that's depressing. and hard to imagine.

[...] are you sure you want to know?

a little, yeah.

i do, if you want to tell me.

if who i am now is a math equation, then it all adds up. if you looked at what i was like as an angry teenager in the jungle, then added in the version of me that existed in singapore: pres city edition, it makes sense.

i was pleasant. agreeable. i did not like to fight and i let the current of life sweep me off into situation after situation. i fell in "love" with a new person every month. i was a student for a while, then i was a dancer and a model. [...] there was certain life experience i did not have back in thailand. i think you know what i mean, living in a small ragtag band of survivors just trying to get by as a teenager. and i experienced the most muted version of everything under the chip. that is why i like to have fun now. i want to make my own experiences now, doing whatever i want whenever i want. does this make sense?

yeah, it does.

[...] the new pilot, sloane. she's some i knew while i was under the veil. we were dating. bobby and casper know and they're treating me like i'm about to have a breakdown if they look at me wrong. it's driving me nuts and there's nowhere i can go to get away from them.